Bugs enjoy tormenting me

I hate bugs. Hate hate hate hate HATE them. But for whatever reason, I attract them. I was lunching outside today despite the hellishly hot weather (around 102 degrees) because there were no indoor seats left, when I spotted a HUGE insect flying around. At first I thought it was a giant bee, but I then realized it was completely black, so it was probably some disgusting insect that frequents the Discovery Channel and is featured in National Geographic.

I tried not to panic as I watched the booger fly and buzz around me. I started playing out the various scenarios in my head as to what I'd do if it landed on me:

1. Scream like a little girl and run inside, thereby making a fool out of myself in front of two guys dressed in suits sitting nearby;

2. Scream at the guys sitting nearby to get the bloody bug off me (i.e., Hi, my name is Jasmin and I'm crazy);

3. Get the bug off me myself (very slim change of that happening; refer to my history with bugs);

4. Realize that nothing would happen, because the bug would miraculously not land on me and simply fly away.

The second I thought about possibility #4, the bug landed on my white shirt sleeve. I jerked up off the chair like a crazed woman. My burrito went flying onto my phone and rice went everywhere. I danced around the table like I had something in my pants until the bug came off.

I then proceeded to shovel the burrito into my mouth as fast as I could to get out of there due to embarrassment. So much for a relaxing lunch hour.