Dear Pesky Little Pincher Bug Who Crawled Across My Dashboard While Driving:
I do NOT appreciate how you crawl across my dashboard while I'm driving home from the gym. Not only does your disgusting sight make me scream like a little girl, but trying to keep you far away from me while trying to drive at the same time is extremely dangerous. If I catch you crawling across my windshield again, I will be forced to pull over, gulp down a tablespoon of bravery, and squash you like the dead bug you should be.
Jasmin, aka frazzled driver
P.S. You are ugly.