Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I need a ninja squad of my own...

I'm sorry to report that all other posts will cease until I get my Tigger back. My what, you ask? My Tigger (from Winne the Pooh)! Take a look below:



Tigger was a gift from my good friend Simone. Tigger faithfully sits on my desk daily and watches over me as I type away, get paper cuts, answer phone calls, stress out, and run off to meetings.

Well, yesterday afternoon, Tigger went missing from my desk at work. It seems a ninja has kidnapped him and is holding him ransom.

Take a look below at what I have received thus far (apparently this work ninja has quite a lot of time on his hands and needs more workload):
------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

I got this note earlier...I’m guessing you are the person he wants me to forward to you?

From: Whirlwind Ninja
Sent:
Tuesday, April 21, 2009 2:41 PM
To: Shawn
Subject: rAnSoM!

I know you and Jasmin are homies. Please forward this to her and
let her know that I mean business!

- The Whirlwind Ninja



------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

He’s holding what ransom?

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

Reading the note, it seems like it’s Tigger?

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

What Tigger?

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

No idea. I’m guessing you must own a Tigger figurine or something?

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

You took him LOL. I’m so blind. My pain is blinding!! That was a gift. :( Why’d you take it you wannabe ninja?

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

Why are you blaming me??? I am just the messenger. =( I think you should do what this guy asks. I think he means business.

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

What does he want? GRRRRR *insert angry face here*

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

No idea. I guess you have to wait for his demands...

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

Ahem. I’m waiting for the demands

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

You aren’t a very patient person that isn’t a hostage but wants Tigger back.

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

You’re not working hard enough to ensure the ninja contacts me w/demands. Get on it homie.

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

See below.

From: Whirlwind Ninja
Sent: Tuesday, April 21, 2009 4:20 PM
To: Shawn
Subject: rAnSoM!

I don't think she's taking me seriously. Send this to her.

- The Whirlwind Ninja



------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

I AM but what does he want? DUH! This is not a very smart ransom-er. He doesn’t state what he wants.

BTW, he better not injure my tigger...he came from NYC from a gift shop. :D

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

I think he's gone for the day… but looking at the picture reveals a lot about him...his scissors are from corporate express and those purple things look like PEZ.

HMMMMM… Do you have any idea who would be doing this to you??

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

Yea you. It's cause you don’t have enough excitement in your day or enough work. :P

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

Like I told you earlier today...stop takin those crazy pills. =)

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

Stop giving me crazy pills, you enabler, you.

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

You better do what he says… he’s getting pretty serious.

Good luck =(

From: Whirlwind Ninja
Sent: Wednesday, April 22, 2009 6:35 AM
To: Shawn
Subject: rAnSoM!




------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

Tell him I don’t negotiate with ninjas. And that he needs to come up w/some better demands.

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

=*(

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

Did ya tell him? I don't "do" negotiations with ninjas. If he wants to negotiate he can call me.

------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

Do you want a proof of life first?

------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

Please send this note to the ninja:

Dear Mr. Ninja,

Your ransom note does not impress me, for I am about to unleash a powerful pack of vengeful pirates to pillage your village of pez-popping, pajama wearing ninjas.

For every strand of hair harmed on my precious Tigger's body, I shall respond with torturous tactics, succumbing you to hours of ear-shattering pop songs and viewings of horrifying chick flicks (i.e."Bride Wars" and "Confessions of a Shopaholic").

These torture tactics will thus make the victim feel effeminate to the point where it will adopt womanly behaviors and act on instinct to spend their entire income on cute shoes and accessories.

Should you, Mr. Ninja, not return Tigger to my desk by 1 PM this afternoon, I shall place a bounty on your head. You have been warned.

Jasmin


------------------------------------------------
From: Shawn
To: Jasmin

You sure you want to go on the offensive for this?? =(

I think you should just succumb and do the Jonas brothers thing...

It's not worth it!

From: Whirlwind Ninja
Sent: Tuesday, April 21, 2009 4:20 PM
To: Shawn
Subject: rAnSoM!

She thinks she can bully me around like that huh? Well...this is me not messin around...

- The Whirlwind Ninja



------------------------------------------------
From: Jasmin
To: Shawn

Yes...send him this message:

I have relayed the ransom to Tigger's closest pals: the Cute Critter Mafia. The Godfather, Don Winnie de Pooh Corleone is going to send his troops after you. Eeyore and Piglet will cover the Whirlwind Ninja in honey and Pooh will then eat him all up and set Tigger free.


------------------------------------------------

Stay tuned for further developments...

3 comments:

  1. I, Stryper Ninja, vow my allegiance to Jasmin, to take on Whirlwind Ninja, to rescue Tigger, and to perform most awesome guitar riffs to drown out any Jonas Brothers songs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unbelievable. This means war.

    (Simone)

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is too funny!! :) Hope you get your Tigger back.

    ReplyDelete

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